Although this was a very hard and somewhat traumatic life event for me, I am somewhat grateful for it. You see, since my divorce 8 years ago, I have worked full time while receiving for a Bachelor's and Master's degree...all while raising my son. I have grown so much from this experience and my testimony that the Lord will provide comfort has grown exponentially. Honestly, I wouldn't be where I am today without having gone through the experience.
I love the folks at church and don't want what I have to say to reflect on them negatively. Simply, I just want to express what my experience has been like. In an era of increased scrutiny of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, I plead with you to not judge my faith, or ward family, based on my comments. We are all an imperfect people, myself included.
My first experience as a single parent was at my ward baby shower. It was a lovely event and I enjoyed it overall. Something was said that day that continues to haunt me. One of the women, whom I didn't know very well, asked in front of everyone, "So, do you know who the father is?" I hate to even admit that one comment still lingers with me to this day. In the person's defense, I do not believe she meant anything hurtful in her comment and I do believe it was an attempt to make conversation gone bad. However, that one comment has honestly set the tone for how I think people in my church perceive me. When I see people, I can't help but feel they all see me as some sort of brazen hussy. Yes, I know it shouldn't matter or even bother me, but it does. Really, my point for bringing this up is, to point out how words can, and do hurt. I urge you to choose your words carefully, think before you speak.
It is extremely difficult, at least for me, to be constantly reminded of the "ideal" family I don't have. That is, one with a mother AND father. I long desperately for that kind of family. One thing I love about my faith, is the importance of family it stresses. It is also one of the things that personally makes it difficult sometimes. You see, almost every lesson each week at least mentions family, fathers, mothers, or a combination thereof. Ok, not every week, but almost. Although I believe, and appreciate the principles, it is sometimes hard to have the constant reminders of what you don't have and long so desperately for.
I am glad the issue of single parenthood is coming up more in the church, probably in sad part to the rising number of single parents in the church. In the April 2012 General Conference, David s. Baxter, gave a talk entitled "Faith, Fortitude, Fulfillment: A Message to Single Parents." I personally cheered when he began to talk. A link to his talk can be found here: http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/04/faith-fortitude-fulfillment-a-message-to-single-parents?lang=eng
To this day, I think he was talking directly to me. I pull it out and read it when I need to recharge the single parent batteries. My favorite quote from this talk is this:
"Please never feel that you are in some kind of second-tier subcategory of Church membership, somehow less entitled to the Lord’s blessings than others. In the kingdom of God there are no second-class citizens."
I find myself always referring to this quote when I start to feel different. Honestly, I don't think I will never make full peace with, or feel content being a single parent. Some days are easier than others, but I just know the Lord will find a way for me to get through it all.
Ok, well this is enough for now. To be continued.....
